The other day, I took a walk. I didn’t have to work, so I could do whatever I wanted to, and I got up on time (yay me), got my sneakers on, got a TImmies, and took off. I had a few loose goals I wanted to accomplish, taking a walk being one of them, but I decided that if they didn’t get all done today, big deal. CHECK! I decided on a whim what direction to take, and just started walking. I found a really nice little woodsy trail near my home, and WOOHOO! It felt great! I had my headphones on, and just went. Came to a fork in the trail? Didn’t matter. There wasn’t a plan for where I ended up because I had nowhere to be. So I went exploring. And I found a moment. Something that almost passed me by. Something I would have seen as a child and thought “ooh my, how interesting” and explored.
There’s marshy muddy swamp pond all around that, and if I teetered too far, I was gonna get muddy and soaked. A few months ago, I wouldn’t have looked twice at this (I mean, besides the fact that it was icy and snowy at that time). But something inside me said “So you’ll get wet if you fall in? Big deal.” So I crossed it. And I didn’t fall in.
It has been a long time since anxiety and depression have kept me from being that boundary pusher. Moments for myself are so few and far between, because there was always something weighing on me. Since my surgery, I’ve felt the need to make life simpler. Take on less, enjoy life more. Everyone should be able to put their needs ahead of anyone else’s sometimes and just disconnect from as many things as possible and get back to bare bones, and build on it from there. After such a mental crash, I am rebuilding.