Hello friends. It’s been a while. I’m sorry if you’ve been worried about me. I’ve been doing well these days. I have learned a lot, let go of a lot, cried a lot, laughed a lot, walked a lot, worked a lot, and I’m happier. It takes hitting rock bottom to be able to put things in perspective, and I’m going to treat it as a save point; a place to which I hope I never have to return, but at least I don’t have to start at the beginning.
So, with that, I’m back, and I’m going to make more of an effort to stay in touch with all of you wonderful people who keep asking me how I’m doing. I’m not ignoring you, I promise.
Before all this unravelled, I felt like an actor, playing a part, and never really connecting with her character. While I was on leave, I had my Aha moment, as Oprah says. I am almost 32 years old. I don’t have to pretend to be anyone or to like anything just because someone else in my life does. I feel there’s a lot of myself that got swept under the rug when I was spending all my time and energy trying to make other people happy. Ya know, I might have been making people happy, but I lost myself while doing it. I know now that I can be myself, like the things I like, dislike the things I dislike, and I can still make people happy. I don’t have to agree with everyone in order to keep the peace. Why did this take me 30+ years to really understand?
Every day I’m kind of mystified by how easy it is to be a good person, and to be a valuable person, without compromising any part of myself to suit others. The secret is really not giving a shit. haha. I know that sounds bad! But what I mean is; there are going to be people who won’t agree with you, and that’s okay. There are going to be people who dislike you because of what you stand for, and that’s okay too. There will be people who think I’m fat, ugly, mean, stupid, angry, crazy, worthless, and all that fun business. Here’s the revelation: that’s their problem, not mine! The people who bother to take the time to know me know that only a few of those are true, and only occasionally! lol, I kid. The people who take the time to know me find out that I’m funny, loveable, have a warm smile, a fucked up laugh (which makes others laugh, so that’s something), crazy in a good way, smartass who is increasingly aware of her self worth. Those are the people that matter to me. I will try to be good to people all the time, but I’m no longer going to beat myself up over a bad day. Bad days remind me that I’m human, not a robot.
So, let me introduce myself. I’m not the same woman I was 2 years ago. I’m still getting to know her too, but it’s fun to explore, isn’t it?
I’m Victoria Judith Comeau. My mother named me after a famous queen, and a woman who would always me a queen in my eyes. I am 31 years old, but most of my growing up has happened in the last two years of my life. I’m… interesting. I’m a mix of old and new, classic and modern, crazy and sane. I grew up in a very rural community, and have longed for adventure since I could walk. Nature is my happy place, but I appreciate the bustle of the city, and the conveniences of life at my fingertips. It helps me appreciate how much going for a walk in the woods or a swim in the ocean relaxes and rejuvenates me.
I like purple. In fact, it was my first word. Even before “mama” or “daddy” hahahaha. Mom liked to tell that story. I was in the car seat and we were riding down the road and passed a building with a purple roof. I pointed and screamed “purple”. Top of my lungs, the first sound out of my mouth in life besides crying was “PURPLE!” Scared the shit out of my mom. I’m not biased or anything, but I think I may have one of the best first word stories. I find that hysterically funny. I’m an oddball.
I used to feel my musical tastes were weird. Now I simply don’t care, and have found some fantastic music that makes me feel all sorts of things. That’s what music is supposed to do, right? Fuck, I love classical music. Fuck, I love music in general, but classical makes me feel the most. Of course, I don’t recognize it all instantly, but I do like research, and when I research, I usually find more classical music that I like. Isn’t the internet wonderful? Don’t get me wrong, I am all about cranking the ABBA tunes, crooning along with Frank and Deano, listening to the classic Christmas albums in July, or commuting with hours of Scottish bagpipes or marching bands, or shakin’ it off with Taylor Swift at the bus stop (fuck I love that girl). Yeah, it’s all over the place, isn’t it? Even I think it’s pretty fucked up and all over the map, but it’s me. So I like it 🙂
I like to read. I love learning and will read pretty much anything you put in front of me. I might not understand some of it at first, but again, that’s what research is for. That’s how you learn. It might take me a while, but I’ll read it. I love words. Just a few letters together can create images in your mind so you feel the story in your own way. I like writing too. I definitely communicate better via the written word. Thank goodness for editing, eh?
I love to bake. I get to combine my favourite things, cooking, science, art, sugar and chocolate! This also why I’m not a size 4. Baking also relaxes me when I am feeling anxious, I’m not sure why. It could be because I control the outcome. Anxiety makes me feel like I’m losing control and it gives me something to control. It’s something I’ve done thousands of times before (not exaggerating, I bake a lot), and I know how to do it and do it well. I am the queen of the destiny of that cake. And I have it in the bag. And if I can control this, maybe I can control my anxiety? Maybe… All, I know, is that it’s working for now.
So, in a nutshell, that’s me. It’s nice to meet you. Let’s get to know each other.