So, I have a new Prime Minister 🙂
Canada gets a new start, a chance to come together and work towards a better future. We will have some dark days, but always working towards a brighter tomorrow, something we’d definitely lost under Harper’s “leadership”. By electing Trudeau, we’ve given Canada a chance to make itself better, to get out of the downward spiral. His cabinet shows a diverse and experienced team, who know Canadians and what they want to see for their country. I’m pretty proud of Justin Trudeau right now. He’s also just as dreamy as he was when he was a bad boy in his youth (my first crush, no joke). I’m so glad he’s turned into the man he is today.
Oh, PM fangirl status aside, I did have a point to this post. I don’t remember what it was.
Life and other stuff. Life is up and down these days. I can never seem to calm my brain down, and I worry about everything. I feel panicked when there’s even the slightest bit of pressure in my life, because I’m terrified it’s going to be one of the times I melt down and it all blows up in my face. Then, while I’m able to get through the stress, I’m constantly on edge about cracking, and I don’t perform to my best. And that’s a shitty feeling. And for some reason, I still feel so uncomfortable in a doctor’s office, I’m willing to stoop to irrational desperate means to ease the tension. I started smoking cigarettes. Before you panic, I’ve promised Chad and several other people that I am going to squash that before it starts. It’s over and done with. calm down. I felt like shit during every single one, I must have said “I’m sorry Mom” during every single one. But for the moment, it helped. But it was a good wake up call. I have to deal with being a little uncomfortable in the doctor’s office, lest I end up somewhere far worse.
After learning that my doctor’s office has moved (and I am really too damned tired to deal with the bus on my day off), Instead of getting a prescription refill, or just venting to the doctor and having him tell me what to do to try and fix it, I took matters into my own hands. And I baked a cake. I’ve been looking forward to baking on my day off, and I’m really quite excited when I bake. And calm. I’m in control. Everything is going to be alright, because I know what I’m doing. Baking really is my escape from the world, my chance to recharge after a week of worrying about not being able to cope. I know how my cake is going to turn out, because I know what I’m doing, and I feel confidence, which is a pretty gosh darn good feeling. I have had a few people tell me things about their struggles with anxiety and depression, and their confidence as well. Seems to kind of go hand in hand. When you’re depressed, you feel worthless, tired, worn down, defeated. And if you’re depressed long enough or deeply enough, that voice that you hear in your mind that says you’re not worth the effort, that voice starts to be the only one you can hear. Drowning out the world around you. Your confidence takes a nosedive and it’s sometimes really hard to overcome that. I get it. I was there. Hell, I started there. It takes a lot of practice, but with help, you can start to hear the voices beyond that voice in your head. The voices that are telling you the truth. I still struggle with it, but I guess life without a little struggle is boring, right?
So talk about it. Everything that you’re feeling. I am here to listen, because you listen to me. You support me every day, and without you, I am not strong enough to make it. If we support each other, then we all get stronger together.